You drank a little too much green beer on St. Patrick's Day and can't remember the night. A friend calls to check up on you and fills you in on what happened—and why she has your pants.
Photo credit: beccafromportland
"You were pretty wild last night. How's the hangover?" said a giggly Victoria.
"Head's still throbbing, but I have my trusty Vitamin Water by my side. Hmmm..was I really wild?" I questioned as I switched my cell phone to the other ear. "I don't remember much besides going to a few bars on Clement and Geary. Grabbing a slice and heading home. Too much green beer! Good thing St. Paddy's Day only comes once a year!!"
"So you don't remember The Bitter End? Pole dancing? Dollar bills stuffed down your shirt?"
"Only good thing about it was those dollar bill paid for our pizza that night," Victoria mused. "Oh, I'll drop by after work tonight to return your pants."
"My what? My pants?"
"Didn't you notice the jeans you wore last night were missing? At the very end of your pole dance, you started to unbutton the top of your jeans. We continued to walk outside and your pants kept falling further and further off your butt."
"How come no one pulled them back up for me?"
"Wait, I'm getting to that. We tried to pull them up, but you wouldn't let us button them. They seemed snug enough, so we just kept walking to Nizario's. As we turned onto Geary, you fell flat on your knees. Your pants had somehow come off, made you trip, and you landed on dog do...it wasn't all over, just on one pant leg."
"Gross, all that happened last night? Gosh, I'm glad I forgot! Wait, so I was walking around with dog shit stained jeans the rest of the night??" I shouted in between sips of my Vitamin Water.
"NO! We wouldn't let you do that! Luckily, Sarah offered to loan you the leggings she was wearing under her skirt. Meant she was out there in the cold in a micro mini, but you had pants again. We were going to leave your pants on the street, but they are afterall your favorite pair, so we brought them to the dry cleaners this morning."
I gasped, "They took the dog shit stained pants?"
"They sure did...and that'll be $20, please."